


domesticity (is not for me)

by lonelyghosts



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, F/F, Infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-08-12 05:04:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7921585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelyghosts/pseuds/lonelyghosts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'you touch her and for a second you are made of fire.' / danny and lafontaine and something that isn't love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	domesticity (is not for me)

**Author's Note:**

> set after s1. ignores s2 to a certain extent. could be perceived as being perry bashing. tws for infidelity, misgendering, etc. pairings are danny/lafontaine & lafontaine/perry. mentions of laura/carmilla.

You touch her and for a second you are made of fire.

This isn't love. You didn't expect this to ever be love; it's not something that children like you are supposed to feel, with your unknitting bodies and unknowable minds. You could tell yourself it is- the forbidden and exciting love that lives in slipped notes and in lipstick on suit collars. But it would be a lie, and you are scientist at heart. You live for the truth.

It isn't love. That's the whole point, doesn't anyone see that? She is swords and straight hair and a proud chest, your warrior against a world of eldritch horrors, scraped and bleeding knuckles. Blood and battle and knowing she has your back. That's all she will ever be.

Laura looks at you and the hickeys sucked into your neck and says, "I guess you two are spicing up your love life!" and you think about her mouth on your throat, blood on her lips, the way she touched you as if you were not something unfamiliar.

Your fucking _mother_ taught you to believe in fairytales and princesses and picket fences. Believe your prince will come rescue you eventually, no matter if you want him to. No matter if you don't want to be the princess in the tower. No matter if you don't want to be a princess or have a prince at all.

It's no wonder you don't believe her on this either.

So you sneak around Perry's back. This is stifling, is suffocating, her stuttering around _Lafontaine_ and _they_ and _them_ as if they're swear words, not fit for polite company. You wish that she would understand that you, your entire self, isn't fit for polite company. Burning shit down and saying it's science. You like chemistry because you want things to explode in reactions, want to get down to the very baseness of humanity and use it for coffee grounds.

You've fallen into a Venus Flytrap. Her weed limbs wrapped around your flowering body every morning, choking you, pulling you down. When you wake up in the same bed it feels like a prison cell, a straitjacket.

Perry makes coffee in the morning that is made from instant packets and tastes shitty. You swallow it and it tastes nothing like you want it to. You don't mention it.

(Danny always gets your coffee order right.)

So you laugh at Laura's jokes and you pretend it doesn't feel like stealing something. You pretend it doesn't feel like being stolen from. You don't mention the way she looks at Danny sometimes, like she's something soft and earthy. Laura is a star in love with a moon, and she looks at Carmilla like she is the sun, and you know she has never known the feeling of dirt running through her fingertips.

When she looks at Danny, you pretend it doesn't make your heart hurt a little, because Danny is _yours,_ all yours, a something that only you know how to touch.

So you grin at Carmilla because she knows, the way she always does- she says, "I'm happy for you two, you deserve each other," and you know she's talking about Danny because she's never respected Perry, never wanted to acknowledge her, and while she's never liked Danny much either, she has Carmilla's respect at least, and that's a hard thing to earn. You know because you have earned it.

So you kiss Danny in abandoned dorms and try to forget about your problems. When you're kissing her there is no Alchemy Club, no murderous anglerfish god, no bed where Perry is saying _Susan_ and acting as if that's your name.

Sometimes when you are lying in bed with her afterwards, you trace her shoulder blades and wonder if she is destined to grow wings.


End file.
